How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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