At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
