Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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