someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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