I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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