i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
