My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
