a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize