So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
