It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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