Don't you send me to vm
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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