I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
