I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's never too late to be topless.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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