Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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