a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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