She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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