also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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