the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
