So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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