well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
