i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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