Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
