I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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