I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
