Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
