she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.