i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.