idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick