when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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