so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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