I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize
