I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize