Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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