So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
