My friends, they love my intelligence
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
