drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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