The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
