So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
