What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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