So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
