I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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