Can i not drive my cunt home
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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