Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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