and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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