You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
