god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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