I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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