...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
