pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
