She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
