yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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