i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
