I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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