At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
