Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
