Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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