The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
