I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
