I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
