I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
