my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
COCAINE IS GR8
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
