my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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