DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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