my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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