I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
