He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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