i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize