You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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