Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize