Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
