dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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