Have you finally orgasmed yet?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
