Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
