I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
