your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
