you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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