i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
