I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I want a musical about memes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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