dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
