wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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