Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
