haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
