i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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