Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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